Therapist or Coach?

Recently I was asked to see some kids whose parents are worried about them. They don’t talk much, they mope around the house, and other vague complaints. Engaging kids who don’t want to be “in therapy” is a unique challenge. I have to sell it to them and often I end up going the route of coaching for a time, instead of therapy. This is especially helpful with teens, who often are blowing through their adolescence with no understanding that their childhoods are coming to an end. So what should we do? We make a plan. We start imagining life in the future, where will you live? Will you have a job? Will you go to college? How will you get into a college? Suddenly, reality sets in and they start engaging a little in the work of therapy because they don’t want to live with mom and dad forever. And that is a good thing.

I wanted to write this entry about the difference between coaching and therapy – so I Googled it, of course, and read a few REALLY dry, matter of fact explanations, and yes, other blog entries. I don’t want my blog to be one of the boring ones.  Coaching is much more directive, and it’s not for people whose mental health is not stable enough. I see people for therapy because their symptoms are such that they cannot cope with the life they are currently living. They are depressed, or debilitated by anxiety, or their traumatic experiences are overwhelming them. These people need solid interventions and relief first.

A good coaching candidate is someone who is blowing through life. Or stuck in a rut but not meeting DSM V criteria. People who just don’t know where to go next or how to identify that next step. I have a friend who wants to move to my State but knows the salary won’t be comparable. I suggested taking some courses in business/non profit management or become a certified project manager because I know those are skills that are sought after. Plus I know that this friend has tuition reimbursement through his employment. While I don’t yet know if he took my guidance, it gave him some ideas and options that he had not thought of before. As a clinical supervisor, I learned in a post graduate class that “supervisors don’t know better, they know different.” The same is true for a coach. Now you want to be careful to not overwhelm someone with all of your ideas for their life. I have had that experience as well, with someone who threw out so many possibilities in one breath I completely zoned out. A coach should listen to where your particular passion lies. She was well meaning but the advice was all over the map.

Keep in mind that I have years of education and experience as a clinical social worker, while a coach can wake up one day and say, “I’m a coach” and charge you $100/hour to coach you. Many of them don’t have specific training or credentials, and there really aren’t any real credentials at this time, not in the way there are for mental health professionals. Someone who is a coach should not be trying to treat your panic attacks or your teen’s cutting behaviors. Be sure you are finding that you are benefiting. Just like a good therapist, a good coach is worth every penny.