Does My Child Need a Therapist?

                 I see a lot of posts, memes, blogs about parenting, about how our kids “drive us crazy” or got into trouble at school for some mischief or even for bullying another child. I have friends ask me often if they should take their child to counseling for sometimes “normal” things related to the child’s particular temperament, and sometimes for what is a good catch on the part of the parent. How would you know if your child is having issues beyond what you, as a parent, can help?

                The critical question I am going to ask is, “does the child’s behavior or mood prevail across two or more environments?” If a child is struggling to concentrate in school, misbehaves, can’t stay in their seat and blurts out in class, but is quiet and pleasant at home, sits and reads, then I would think there is some school anxiety vs ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). If a child is moving and off task at home and at school, and in a museum and a grocery store, then we might be looking at ADHD. Confused already? That’s why getting answers from a person and not your Google search is important. There is a lot to consider and asking is perfectly reasonable. Children with ADHD don’t always need a therapist, unless some of their adaptive behaviors have become habits and they need help with social skills and parents may need help adapting their own skills to the child who needs a lot of patience. Kids can usually be easily treated with medication that the pediatrician can prescribe (a simple questionnaire should be given to the teacher and an EKG is usually completed first). Be sure to ask a lot of questions – parents need to know everything they can.

                Similarly, the behavior is not only taking place in multiple environments, but is interfering with normal daily tasks. A child who is developing OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) will eventually forego pleasurable activities to complete the compulsive behavior they “need” to complete to resolve the worry in their mind. Most people have a superstition or two, but if a child cannot get dressed before going through several perfect renditions of their task, (flipping the light switch, a chant, touching objects in a certain order) there is a problem.

                If you have answered “yes” to either or both of the above questions (2+ environments, interfering with fun), you may need a professional consultation. It does not mean something is “wrong” with your child, or your parenting. Imagine if your child needed a life-saving medical service, and you decided, “no, it’ll be okay without the intervention?” You wouldn’t likely do that, would you? You’d take your child for the appointments until they were cured. Letting an emerging mental illness go untreated is a threat to the child’s future, so it’s better to get help now while their brains are workable. Yes, many of these illnesses also come out as adults, and we can’t always predict it, but kids can learn valuable coping skills to handle stress throughout their lives. And parents don’t always know the best way to manage childhood anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD. When you love someone as much as you love your child, your emotions get mixed in all too easily.

                Ask your child if they are worried about anything. Tell them you can find someone who can help them feel better. It might not even take very long for relief. A good child therapist can help bring out issues through drawing, through games and help the child identify and verbalize what is worrying them. The therapist can help parents respond more effectively to their child and teach them skills to self-regulate, communicate and listen. Call a therapist, ask the questions, and make the appointment. A wonderful adulthood awaits your child.
ARileyLCSW@live.com.